Irked

Things that irk me, Volume I:

• The fact that I cannot say "rural" without sounding like I am drunk.
• The fact that I cannot say "horror" without sounding like I am making a judgment on some woman's source of income.
• Credit card commercials where they swipe the card upside down so that you can read the name of the card. Yeah, think about it. The strip is on the TOP people! Come ON! The whole commercial is a LIE! (Okay, this goes beyond "irks me" to "makes me completely insane")
• Strangers who insist on trying to engage me in conversation when I obviously have my antisocial face on. And the topic is usually politics or something bizarre like what prisoners are going to do to Michael Jackson's murderer when he gets to jail...this actually happened to me during the purgatory that is the Comcast customer service line.
• When people are oblivious to the fact that they are not good singers...and insist on singing an eight minute long audition song. That's right, I skip the American Idol audition episodes. Off-key people make me sterile. My ovaries hurt when they sing.
• Wet sock (when one or more of your socks gets wet while you are wearing them. LeAnne has my back on this.)
• When my sock seams aren't perfectly straight and aligned.
• People who like to eat candy in crinkly wrappers during my (or anyone else's) solos...ANNNNDDDD
• People who bring small children to shows...ANNNNNDDD
• Old people who make running commentaries during shows ("I think that one's going to die, Myrtle.""I hope so, Gladys, I'm tired of looking at her.") It's like those old guys on the Muppets...but not funny...
• People who leave their blue tooths on constantly. It is the ultimate nonverbal "talking to you isn't as important as a call I MIGHT get." It takes it to the next level if you are interviewing the person for a job and they either have their bluetooth on or actually TAKE A FRIGGIN CALL WHILE YOU ARE INTERVIEWING THEM! "NEXT!"
• People with no manners. Were you raised in a BARN? Nothing--wealth, status, looks, occupation, "importance", etc.--ever "clears" you of rudeness. Remember that whole "do unto others" thing? Perhaps you don't mind being treated like scum. Revise the golden rule to "Do unto others as THEY would have you do unto THEM." More on a certain subcategory later...
• People who refuse to reprimand their maniac children in public because they are either too lazy or think their children are too special or precious to warrant discipline.
• Alternately, people who punish their children in public to an extent where I worry about the child's welfare.
• "Christians" who are full of hatred. I heard someone say recently that it's much more enjoyable to be right (meaning "correct", not conservative) than it is to be compassionate. Let that sink in for a minute...I'll wait. (Elevator muzak version of "Girl From Ipanema" plays in the background.) Oh sure, trot out some scripture that validates you excluding some group of people from grace or even kindness. Yeah, that makes it okay to condemn. Jesus said "feed my sheep." Jesus said "love thy neighbor." He didn't say "except for THOSE jerks."
• Donuts. They are, in fact, satan. Nothing redeeming about them whatsoever. But so damned tasty. Argh.
• Bitchy women. You ain't THAT pretty.